Work is work, after all, and it won't always be enjoyable. You'll have monotonous projects, challenging assignments, and obnoxious coworkers who make you want to quit; create a Slack channel about how annoying they are, or complain to everyone who will listen. However, this can backfire spectacularly. Angela Copeland, CEO of Copeland Consulting, a career counselling firm, says, “If you spend too much time complaining to others, you could be labelled “the complainer” and co-workers may avoid you”, and sometimes, “It's also possible that information you share will be passed along, but you won't have control over the message so it may be incomplete or inaccurate.”
Nancy Halpern, the founder of the New York-based executive coaching business KNH Associates, recommends performing this exercise before complaining to a coworker. To begin, make a list of all of your grievances. Choose the five issues that annoy you the most and arrange them in a logical sequence. List two or three things you could do to improve the issue once you've determined your top two priorities. She says, “If you can start thinking like an active problem-solver, you'll feel more in control and a lot more optimistic about changing the situation.”
Because it feels terrific, is low-risk, and straightforward. This is what happens: someone irritates us. We're not happy with how they're responding. Perhaps we're enraged, annoyed, or afraid. Those sentiments accumulate in our bodies, causing physical discomfort.
When we grumble about someone else, the uncomfortable feelings fade away since the pent-up energy is released. That's why we say things like "I'm venting" or "I'm blowing off steam." However, as we'll see in a minute, dissipation doesn't only release energy; it spreads it out, causing it to develop.
Furthermore, we nearly always complain to those who agree with us — we seek comfort, solidarity, affiliation, tolerance, and validation, which replaces the negative sentiments with new, positive ones. Whingeing shifts the negative/positive energy equilibrium, making us feel better for a little while. It's actually a very dependable procedure, even obsessive.
What is the issue (apart from the wasted time): We're fuelling the terrible, never-ending vicious circle, just like everyone else. The relief of pressure, the pleasant sensation, is fleeting. In fact, the more we grumble, the more probable it is that our annoyance will grow over time. Here's why: when we complain, we release pent-up energy in the wrong direction. We usually never convey our complaints to the individual who is causing them; instead, we whine to our friends and families. We're looking for allies, not direct dialogues, to address a problem. We're not contemplating potential solutions; instead, we're almost physically letting off steam.
Complaining has a lot of negative consequences (apart from the time lost): It divides people, hinders or delays positive involvement since it replaces it, reinforces and escalates unhappiness, agitates others, destroys trust, and, perhaps, makes the complainer appear negative. We turn into cancer we're complaining about, the terrible influence that pervades society. Unfortunately, our whining amplifies the reactionary tendencies and discomfort of the dissatisfaction we're complaining about in the first place.
In another sense, the energy grows as it dissipates. The amount of time you spend thinking about it can last for hours, days, or even weeks. You've also increased the number of people who are considering and talking about it. Meanwhile, our whining accomplishes precisely nothing. In reality, that could be the most severe issue. Complaining is a dangerous step toward inaction. It takes the place of the need to act. We could put that energy to good use if, instead of grumbling, we allowed ourselves to feel the energy without having to disperse it right away, something that is called emotional courage. We could channel it so that it doesn't seep out in the wrong direction. In other words, use the uneasy feeling you're experiencing, which would typically cause you to whine, to motivate you to take action.
Complaints feed into a vicious self-fulfilling loop. The more you discuss these issues, the more you ruminate on them, and the worse they appear to become. It feels liberating at first. Everyone is commiserating and uniting around a common source of dissatisfaction. However, there comes the point where the benefits stop increasing, and it soon ceases being useful and begins to be detrimental. People start to feed off the group's energy, and everyone soon becomes increasingly agitated, stressed, and concerned about the situation.
Breaking the pattern is the only way to handle the emotion. Stop blaming others for what isn't working. Stop complaining about how difficult things are. By reiterating the same old pessimism over and over, you're not getting anything. Remember that the more you talk, the less beneficial it becomes until it's working against you.
Every job has drawbacks. Perfection is impossible to achieve. But, if you look for them, you'll most likely find a lot of positives at your workplace. It's possible that the good material is hidden deep beneath everything else, so you'll have to work hard to find it. But believe me when I say it's worth it.
Things can get extremely bad at times. If half your crew has just been laid off, you'll come across as a bit out of touch if you try to spin it as a positive. However, you can remain optimistic that all will work out in the end for everyone. You can be genuine and even recognise unpleasant emotions such as anxiety, irritation, tension, and bewilderment. You don't have to let those things rule your thoughts or discussions, though. Instead, concentrate on the following stages.